just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm at about main and main street
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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