My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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