remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
