Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
