During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
