just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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