Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
