What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
