Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
