Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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