just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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