It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
