It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
