I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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