Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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