Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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