only if we run a train.
done.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
