I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
