u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
do herpes really smell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
