I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
