You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
