he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
