I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
