I'm gonna have a badass scar
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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