Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
