Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
