yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
