I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
