hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
