I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
