this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
