once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
