I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
