Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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