my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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