I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
