trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
