My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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