my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
