I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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