smell my finger.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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