the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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