eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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