Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
