ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he thought i was a dude.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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