wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
