If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
