Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
