i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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