I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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