also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
