Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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