if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
